Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
