It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
