WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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