Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize