I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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