3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize