I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
