i need an iv and a liver transplant
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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