honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
