Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
