my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
