There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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