I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize