some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
