The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She even gives head with a lisp.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
