New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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