I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
