I just pynch a tree in the face
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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