Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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