I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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