Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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