I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
