I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
