Moan for me like Helen Keller
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
