Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
