If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
