is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
