does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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