Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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