i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
