Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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