I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
