omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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