flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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