So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
