What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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