I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Still dying that you shit outside
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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