I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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