you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
