Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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