your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
