just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
