i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
