these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize