dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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