He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
