Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
