sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
