jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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