I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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