Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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