I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
