I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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