I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
