Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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