like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
