I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
