I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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