How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
