Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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