She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
