wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
