I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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