I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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