I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Enjoy the penises
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
