Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am midnight drunk by noon
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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