At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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