The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
