is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
