I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i think i have two assholes
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
