peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
