I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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