I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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