Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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