i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
