she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
