So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
