Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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