I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
