The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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