I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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