3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We don't watch enough power rangers
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
