wakey wakey hands off snakey
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
