roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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