Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I deserve this hangover.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
