I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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