Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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