So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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