get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
