it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
