I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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