Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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